Secretly
by tuesday's child
Summary: Ginny and Professor Snape are seeing each other in new lights. G/S romance, please read and reply! CHAPTER 14 ADDED April 10!!!!!
1. Me and My Big Mouth

As the cauldron crashed to the floor, Ginny knew she was in for it. Green and fuschia potion spread thickly across the floor of the potions dungeon, coating the stones in a steaming mess. Students screamed and hopped up to stand on their chairs.   
  
"WEASLEY!"  
  
Ginny didn't flinch when Severus Snape bellowed her name, storming up the aisle, "How could you be so clumsy? That potion will permanently stain the floor. Twenty points from Gryffindor, and a detention for you."  
  
Ginny didn't turn to face him, but rolled her eyes, and nodded, stooping to pick the heavy cauldron up and set it upright.  
  
"Eight o'clock, tonight." He ground out, "And stay after to clean up this mess. Class dismissed."  
  
Ginny groaned inwardly and knelt to clean the dripping potion from the floor. Snape didn't say a word to her as she worked. While she cleaned, Ginny though over and over how she loathed the Potions master. He thought he could intimidate anyone into anything, and he usually did. But she refused to quiver under his hard gazes and beady-eyes stares. She was tougher than that, thank you very much.  
  
Once the ruined wart-testing potion was wiped from the floor, leaving (in Ginny's opinion) a green and pink swirled stain on the stones.  
  
"I'm finished cleaning." She informed Snape, who was sorting his mail silently at his desk.   
  
"Good. Report back at eight tonight prepared to write an essay on the merits of caution in the potions lab." He replied coldly, still looking through his mail.  
  
Ginny caught site of a violet envelope and tried to remember what that color signified, then tossed it out of her head, rolling her eyes at Snape's irritating mood and scooped up her things to leave.  
  
"Be on time." Snape called out to her, his voice echoing off the dungeon walls.  
  
"Bite me." Ginny muttered in response, then hurried off in hopes he hadn't heard her.  
  
~*~  
  
Later that night, Severus was staring at the purple-blue envelope on his desk. A violet colored envelope always stood for a Murmurer. Murmurers were like Howlers, only quiet. Usually used to divulge secrets, they cam in handy if the reader was illiterate. While Severus could read, he got Murmurers frequently from his mother, who lived at St. Mungo's as a permanent patient in the psychiatric ward. She used them as a device of torture for her tortured son. A punishment, in her twisted mind, for committing her to the hospital. Even though Raviera Snape had gone quite mad in her old age and had needed to be put in a facility, she saw it as a betrayal, a way for her only child to pawn her off on the doctors at St. Mungo's.   
  
Severus sighed and picked up the envelope and started to open it, knowing he may as well get it over with, Murmurers exploded nastily when unopened, leaving disgusting black goo in its wake. Instantly after the seal was broken on the envelope, a reedy female voice murmured in a rambling way, the words reverberating on the stone walls of the dungeon.  
  
*My boy loves me no longer...why don't you love your mummy, Severus? I raised you well, without a husband. I worked so hard and you repay me with this place. My dear, sweet boy. I sometimes wonder what life would be without you in it. If you hadn't been born. If...*  
  
As the voice cut through him like the blade of a sword, Severus let out a shuddering breath, not noticing the other presence in the room.  
  
~*~  
  
Ginny was frozen on the steps of the dungeon, the cold words of the Murmurer just barely reaching her ears. Watching Snape intently, she could see his struggle not to lose control over himself. Anger, hurt, sadness...they all reflected on his face. She felt guilty for intruding, and an overwhelming feeling of..something, was nagging at her. She slowly and silently backed up the stairs, then clambored down noisily o Snape would have time to collect himself and shut the Murmurer.   
  
"I'm here for my detention." Ginny said lightly, as if she hadn't just heard the man's own mother saying she hated him.   
  
"Take a seat and begin writing. I want the essay to be the entire length of the parchment. Understood?"  
  
Ginny fought the urge to reply with an acidic remark. No matter how she disliked Snape, he had just had a hard time, "Yes, professor."  
  
While she worked, Ginny would glance up to find Snape staring at the Murmurer, and the dread on his face was so evident, she actually felt bad for him. She had never expected to have feelings of remorse or compassion towards the professor. After all, he was always so hateful. But maybe he was that way because of what his mother had said in that letter. *if only you were never born...* Ginny felt a little piece of her heart go out to Snape. She quickly shook it off and went back to her essay.  
  
Finally, at ten o'clock, she had managed to write a parchment-long essay. She turned it in to Snape at his desk, "Finished."  
  
"Good. I expect you on time to class tomorrow." He said, not looking up at her from a parchment he was writing on. Ginny shifted slightly, unable to will herself away from the desk. Finally, Snape looked up in annoyance, "WHAT?"  
  
"Well...I saw that you were upset over something when I came in." Ginny said carefully, "I was wondering if...if you were all right?"  
  
Snape snorted, "I'm fine. I'll see you tomorrow, Miss Weasley."  
  
"Oh...Well...fine." Ginny sighed, rolling her eyes slightly, "You just seemed--"  
  
"It's none of your business." He snapped, cutting her off, "Go back to your dorm, Miss Weasley. I will see you in class."  
  
Ginny narrowed her eyes at him. Every word he had said had been clipped and authoritative. She *hated* being spoken to that way, "FINE." She exploded, shocking him into looking up at her again, "You can be miserable all. By. Your. SELF."  
  
And Ginny Weasley stormed off, not stopping to realize that she had just yelled at a teacher until she was in the Gryffindor common room. 


	2. Smoothing it Over

The next morning at breakfast, Ginny couldn't stop herself from watching Snape from her seat at the Gryffindor table. She felt genuinely afraid of what would happen to her. She had *yelled* at him. She was sure to be suspended. Her parents would be furious. But all the while, part of Ginny's brain was still angry. He had been rude to her after she had shown actual concern for him! Concern he did not deserve after being such a...a...she didn't even KNOW what to call him.   
  
She felt sick to her stomach knowing that Potions was her first class of the day on Fridays. He breakfast was untouched, the knowledge of her impending doom too much to allow her an appetite. And when Dumbledore dismissed them all from breakfast, Ginny considered running as fast and as far as her legs could take her.  
  
~*~  
  
However, in class, Snape went about business as usual. Ginny felt apprehension gnawing at her insides. It just wasn't natural for him to react this way. He should be glaring and threatening, not continuing with the day before's lesson as if she hadn't shown disrespect by hollering at him the night before.  
  
"I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead." Ginny found herself repeating silently to herself through the entire class, until an idea popped into her head.  
  
As soon as class ended, Ginny went to Snape's desk, where he was grading essays from the homework.  
  
"Uh...Professor?" She began nervously, "Could I speak with you for a moment?"  
  
"What is it, Weasley?"  
  
He hadn't even looked up. Ginny took in a breath and spoke, "About last night, Professor, I should not have raised my voice that way, and I just want you to know that I know that."  
  
"Good. Goodbye, Weasley."  
  
Ginny stood perfectly still, then, "That's it?"  
  
Snape looked up, irritated, "Yes, that's it. I accept your apology and will see you in class on Monday."  
  
The red-haired seventh year put her hands obstinately on her hips, "It was NOT an apology! It was an admission of WRONGNESS! I have no reason to apologize, sir, you were in the wrong."  
  
"And how is that?" He demanded, tossing down his quill.  
  
"I was showing concern and being a kind student and you reacted like...like a rude child!" She answered, her voice raising slightly with each word.  
  
"You have no respect ofr authority whatsoever, do you, Weasley?" He stood, towering over her. Ginny met his gaze, squaring her shoulders so that she seemed as tall as he.  
  
"I have plenty of respect. Do you?" She shook her head, "What was so hard about saying, 'Thank you, Virginia, but I am fine.'? But, no. Instead YOU had to react with a biting comment AS usual. You use intimidation to make people feel smaller and when they try to treat you like a person and not someone to be feared, you react horribly."  
  
"You have no idea what you're talking about. I would suggest you leave my classroom before I see Dumbledore about your insolence."  
  
Ginny stood firm for another moment then hissed, "Fine."  
  
She grabbed her things and marched off. But that sense of compassion that had plagued her the night before caught up with her and she paused, "Professor, I know I'm a student. I know you are my teacher. But everyone has bad days. You're allowed to let someone care, you know."  
  
And she was gone, once again. 


	3. I Hate Him So Much

On Monday in Potions right after lunch, Ginny was once again astonished at Snape's complete an total selective memory. It was if their argument on Friday had never occurred. She was shocked that she hadn't gotten a hundred points taken from Gryffindor as a result of her 'insolence'.   
  
Outwardly, she did the same and pretended to have forgotten Friday. but inside, Ginny was so conflicted she could hardly concentrate. She was worried that Snape's silence was deadly and that she would be punished heavily in the long run. At the same time, she still felt bad for the man, not the professor, who was so tortured by what the Murmurer had said. She sleep-walked her way through the lab that day, and was surprised that the class ended so quickly.  
  
Ginny was gathering her things when she heard a cool voice say, "Miss Weasley, may I have a moment?"  
  
"Yes?" She asked as he rounded his desk, standing a few feet from where she stood, bag slung over her shoulder.  
  
With a long-suffering sigh, Snape spoke, "I must apologize for being so cold about your apology last night."  
  
Ginny was shocked at first. he was *apologizing*? But then, she realized what he had said, "It wasn't an apology." She insisted.  
  
"Do you let ANYTHING go, child?" He demanded, his voice full of frustration. He had never dealt with a student so intent on having her way, "FINE! I accept your admission of wrongness."  
  
"Oh." Ginny faked a swoon, "Well now that you have accepted, I can go on living my life. Thank you, Professor." The last word dripped acid, and she went to leave.  
  
"Just who do you think you are?" He demanded, causing her to turn again.  
  
"I'm just someone who's a little tired of the way you treat people. If saying so means I get in trouble, then so be it."  
  
"Insolent girl. You have no idea--"  
  
"Just save it, Professor." Ginny interrupted, "The other day, I saw you. The person, not the professor. I'm sorry if I can't help feeling sorry for that sad, broken person."  
  
Severus fell silent. He was shocked at her words, once again. He had never had a student say anything so sincere to him, let alone that they cared. He was used to dealing with his sadness alone, unaccustomed to others actually volunteering a heart to heart, "You are a fool to care about me."  
  
Ginny snorted indelicately, "So what? You're a fool for cutting yourself off from real emotion."  
  
"I'm not cut off from anything, Miss Weasley."  
  
"But you are." She said, softening slightly, "And I truly feel sorry for you, Professor."  
  
~*~  
  
After she had gone, Severus sat alone at his desk. She was so foolish, but so wise for her years. She somehow knew how he was hurting and she knew how he operated. Ginny Weasley had taken less than ten minutes to call him on his intimidation techniques, so refined after do many years, and had managed to cut him down with a single phrase. She reminded him of himself when he was young, before things went horribly wrong with his family and his life.  
  
But she was wrong to want to care whether he lived or died or fell apart. She was supposed to hate him just like the rest of her house and the other two houses. Hell, even Slytherins disliked an feared him. He was dark and miserable and he intended to stay that way.  
  
~*~  
  
Ginny kicked her trunk, hard. She let out a cry of frustration as she paced the empty dormitory.  
  
"He says I don't know what I'm talking about. Well, he's the one who doesn't KNOW. I know what it's like to feel alone and desperate and...And he should be thanking me for giving a damn after the way he's been acting to me. It's all about him, isn't it. He's all tortured and miserable. He's alone in his stupid dungeon. What about ME in the dorm in the middle of the day pacing like a fool, because HE can't act like a normal PERSON."  
  
She stopped, falling backwards onto her bed. "I hate him so much right now." 


	4. Dream a little dream...

*****  
The classroom was empty, save for Ginny. She looked around and found him sitting at his desk, watching her with an amused smile on his face. The form-fitting scarlet dress she wore felt soft against her bare legs and arms, and her hair hung in auburn waves and curls around her face.  
  
"Are you just going to watch me all day?" She demanded coyly, perching herself on one of the desks.  
  
"I could..." He purred, his dark eyes burning into her, making her flush from head to toe. He stood, "But I don't think I will."  
  
He crossed the room in long strides, coming to stand in front of her, his waist between her knees, "You look exquisite tonight, have I told you yet?"  
  
She smiled, "Not in the past few minutes."  
  
He leaned forward and took her mouth in a hot kiss, his scent pulling her in as her arms wound around his neck. Strong hands cupped her backside and pulled her forward so that her legs wrapped around his slim waist.   
  
Ginny felt like she was drifting as his hands roamed her body, sending shivers up and down her spine. Her fingers sought out the silky strands of black hair, tangling and tugging gently.  
  
"You need to wake up..." He murmured, then louder, "GINNY! UP!"  
*******  
  
Ginny's eyes snapped open to find Gretchen Kadry, another seventh year, staring down at her, "I was..."  
  
"You were about to be late for Divination." Gretchen laughed, "Get up, now, princess."  
  
Ginny rolled her eyes at her and sat up in bed. That dream had been...wow. She had been *kissing* Snape, possibly leading to *other* things with him. She shivered, remembering...Then a thought started to nag its way into her head *shouldn't you be thinking, EW?*. But that was the problem. That dream had been ANYTHING but "Ew". 


	5. Secretly

Severus noticed how she fumbled all day in class. She nearly dropped several ingredients, and had just barely cuaght herself before adding munigo root before stirring, which would have caused dangerous explosions. Of course, he only knew this because he had watched her ever since she had come into the classroom looking nervous and tired. She was quite beautiful, he couldn't help thinking (guiltily, of course). She had long auburn curls that framed a fair-skinned face and wide green eyes the color of the mediteranean. And she was 17, old enough to have developed the body of a godess. But he wouldn't think about that now with a clas full of students. Later, however...  
  
***  
I've been biding my time,  
Been so subtely kind  
I've got to think so selfishly  
Cause you're the face inside of me  
***  
  
When she approached him after class for what felt like the fiftieth time in the past week, she seemed very nervous, but calmer than she had been lately.  
  
"We argue a lot, you and I." She stated, arms folded over her torso.  
  
"Yes, we do." He said dumbly, unable to conjure something else to say.  
  
"But all I wanted to know in the first place was...What makes you so miserable? Can you bring yourself to tell me? I'll just leave you alone if you just..."  
  
Severus sighed, "If it's that important to you, then fine. I was upset that day because I received a letter from my mother. She is rather...disturbed in her old age. I'm used to it however. No need to worry."  
  
Ginny was shocked at both his casualness about it and his honesty. "Oh." She pretended she hadn't already known what made him so sad, "I'm sorry, professor. I know it must be hard--"  
  
"I don't need pity." He said, sharply. He held her eyes and she stomped her foot, letting out a shreik of frustration.  
  
"It's not pity you bloody IDIOT!" She exploded, shocking him to silence, "It's called CONCERN. It's an emotion we humans feel when someone is hurting!"  
  
He stood, angered once again at her words, "I know what concern is. I just don't think YOU need to be feeling it for ME."  
  
"WHY NOT?"  
  
***  
I've been biding my days,  
You see, evidently it pays,  
I've been a friend,  
With Unbiased views,  
Then secretly lust after you.  
  
So now you feel lusty  
You're bored and bemused.  
***  
  
He rounded the desk and glared at her, "Just don't. Do you hear me? Don't. Go back to your little life, graduate, go moon over Potter, and be happy."  
  
"NO." She said firmly, and he lost what little control he had left, his hands grasping her shoulders and pushing her against the stone wall behind her.  
  
"Give it up, Miss Weasley, I won't give in to your childishness."  
  
She glared up at him, the stones of the wall pressing painfully into her back, "I won't, and you can't make me."  
  
And he snapped, somewhere in his head. Severus took one look at her, her flushed cheeks and flaming hair, her eyes blazing. And he leaned over the desk and kissed those pouting lips, tasting sunshine and cherries. His hands let go of her and she reacted by letting her arms encircle his neck. She knew it was wrong, just as much as he knew. But at that point it really hadn't penetrated her brain that it was her professor. It was just *him*. For now.   
  
***  
You wanna do someone else,  
So you should be by yourself,  
Instead of here with me,  
  
Secretly.  
***  
  
He tore himself away, backing up with his breath coming in short gasps, "What have you done to me?" He panted, his dark eyes meeting her light ones.  
  
"I could ask you the same thing." She replied, "You confuse me at every turn. Are you trying to drive me mad?"  
  
"It's you who drives me mad." He said, turning away, "You should go."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because you don't belong here." Severus said sadly, trying so hard to keep the sadness out of his voice, as if she didn't affect him so much. But he was failing miserably as memories and yearning came crashing down.  
  
"You want me to go?" She asked, stepping away from the wall, "Tell me the truth."  
  
"Go."  
  
***  
So now you feel lusty,  
You're hot and confused,  
So now you've been busted,  
You're caught feeling used.  
  
You had to do someone else,  
You should've been by yourself,  
Instead of here with me,  
  
Secretly  
*** 


	6. Afterwards

Severus knew that he was attracted to Ginny partly because she reminded him of Laura. He had met Laura in his seventh year while on holiday in Paris. She was an American muggle, a double offense in the eyes of Severus' father, especially in those times when hatred towards muggles was high in the wizarding world. 

But he had fallen for her, regardless of his parents and his friends. The day he met her in an outdoor cafe, she was reading Crime and Punishment and wearing a blue sundress, her long auburn hair ironed straight, as was the style back then. He approached her and she rejected him with the grace of a swan. But he was persistent and she eventually gave in and allowed him to buy her lunch. From then, they were inseparable, until Serverus' father learned of their little tryst. 

Laura was dead in days. 

Still, Severus could remember her. The way she smelled like tulips and roses, and the rediculously short dresses she wore. The way she ironed her hair out, killing the soft curls he had begged her to keep, just for a day. 

He wouldn't let Ginny be another person to be hurt because of him. Although this time, it wouldn't be his father, but Severus himself.

~*~

Meanwhile, Ginny had no idea what to make of anything. She sat behind the curtains of her four-poster bed in her dorm, a pillow hugged tightly to her chest. What had she done? She could still feel the small scratches on her back where the roughnes of the stones had made contact, and the patches of skin Snape had touched were tingling even now. Ginny sighed and closed her eyes, letting herself fall back against the pillows. Holiday break started soon, and for most this would be a great escape from school for two weeks. To Ginny, who had opted to stay at school over break, it was a death sentence.

How was she going to avoid seeing Snape if she had to spend two weeks with him, practically alone, in a castle? Well...alone was an exaggeration. Between the other faculty, ten or so other remaining students, and the ghosts, Ginny could try to distract herself. But she knew deep down that that would be impossible. For even now she felt the urge to go straight back tot he dungeons and...and what? Give Snape a peice of her mind (again)? Kiss him (again)? She didn't know. All Ginny really knew at this point was that she was in trouble.

  



	7. Fell Into the Loneliness

_I should have had faith  
I should have taken a chance  
I should have laughed_

_I should have risked something  
I should have kissed you  
I should have told you  
I should have let you know_  


It was holiday break, at long last, and Ginny was alone. While the rest of her family visited Charlie in Romania again, she had decided foolishly to stay behind. She looked morosely around the empty common room and sighed. Why had she been stupid enough to volunteer to stay at Hogwarts? Oh yes, because she hadn't wanted to deal with her brothers. But that was before she had to be around Snape for two whole weeks. With no distractions to keep her mind off him. This was bad, and she knew it. More than once, she had fantasies of bursting through the doors to the potion master's office and flinging herself at him. On more than one occasion, shehad almost done it. Yes, this was most definitely bad. 

_Instead I fell and fell  
And fell into the loneliness  
I fell and fell and fell  
Into the loneliness  
I know so well_

There were two other Gryffindors staying for holiday, a handful of Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, and no Slytherins. This meant that Ginny had perhaps four people she knew, only two that she could really talk to if she had to. She found herself yearning for Ron, Hermione, and Harr to come laughing and joking through the portrait hole, plotting their next hijinx or heroic endeavor. But they were graduated, and she was left here, with her thoughts, and a crush on her Potions professor. 

"Not anything new." She mumbled, sinking into her favorite chair by the fire, "I'm used to loneliness." 

_Do you think that we could fall  
And fall into each other's arms  
Just fall and fall and fall  
Into each other's arms?  
Who would it harm?_

~*~ 

Severus sighed, glad to be rid of his students for the break. Two weeks of quiet. Time to think and plan a way to forget whatever it was that was happening between him and Ginny Weasley. He wondered silently if it was appropriate to just call her Ginny, now that he had kissed her and admitted to himself he felt an attraction to her. An attraction that he had to squash, quickly. _Fat bloody chance_, his brain kept ranting. _She's in your blood now, Severus. Just like Laura, almost exactly. Only this time it's worse, isn't it? This time, it's a student. You could lose your job. Or worse, you could hurt her. Could you live with that?_

Which was why he needed these two weeks. So he could purge himself of any thoughts of Ginny Weasley and return to his normal, every day life. But try as he might he couldn't forget the way her lips tasted like cherries and her hair felt so soft as it brushed his cheek... 

_There were all these voices in my head  
They said he won't so don't even try  
Then listed all the reasons why_

_Snow was on the ground  
You were in my reach  
Walking there beside me  
I should have turned and smiled_  


"Dammit." He muttered, his only reply his own voice echoing around him. But he was used to having his own echo as a companion. He could stand the loneliness he had grown so accustomed to. But could he stand the ache he had buried so many years ago, the one she had uncovered? Severus could only hope.

_Instead I fell and fell  
And fell into the loneliness  
I fell and fell and fell  
Into the loneliness  
I fell and fell and fell and fell  
I fell and fell and fell and fell_

-----

A/N: Sorry these two chapters are all brooding and thinking and NO dialogue. Sooooo sorry. But coming very soon: an arrangement, kissing, holiday love, and more.   



	8. Solution

On the second day of Holiday Break, just after lunch, Ginny had her courage collected and a plan formulated in her head. It was an insane plan, that much was painfully true. But she had to try it, anyway. She hadn't seen Snape--Severus?--at all since that kiss...that completely mind-boggling kiss. But she intendd to pay a visit to his office in the dungeons and propose her plan. Inwardly, she whimpered. This was a stupid idea. But so was kissing her professor. So at this point, it really didn't matter. The plan had come to her the night before as she lay in bed struggling to fall asleep. Her mind, which had had nothing but thoughts of "what have I done" running through it since that day, had somehow come up with the idea that she could test this "thing" she suddenly had with her professor out. At first, she had laughed at herself, but as the hours wore on the plan seemed more and more possible. 

She found him sitting at his desk, grading papers and marking in his grade book with a black quill. She cleared her throat to get his attention, her courage dwindling a little as the cold of the dungeon nipped at her skin through the material of her robes.

Severus looked up, and nearly fell off his chair when he saw her in his doorway, "What are you doing here?" He blurted out, eyes slightly wide with surprise. His mind screamed at him, he had thought he would have this time without her to reflect and brood, but no...

"Uh...I'm here over break." She explained. 

*Bloody. Hell.* He thought, but recovered quickly, "Did you...need something?" 

"I...I wanted to talk about what happened the other day. The kissing...thing." 

Severus sighed deeply, "I guess we should." He closed his eyes breifly, waiting for her ot tell him she was springing a law suit at him for taking advantage of her.

"Good!" She said brightly, shocking him out of his fear of law suits, "Because from what I gathered, it was two sided. Are we agreed?" 

"I...Yes?" 

"Good!" She repeated, and he was suddenly afraid of what she might say next. Ginny took a seat in the chair facing the desk, "Because I have a proposition for you." 

"A what?" 

"Proposition. Listen carefully, would you?" 

She was insane, he decided, eyeing her as she began her speech, "I'm not sure how you reacted after I left. But, my reaction was to think extensively about a solution to this thing we have. What I came up with was a two week plan to last the entire break. I'll help you get over whatever it is that makes you so...miserable. And you teach me potions stuff. Plus the kissing." 

Severus blinked several times before bursting into peals of laughter. She had been so business like through her entire speech and the final sentence had been uttered with a striaght face and flat tone, he couldn't help but laugh at his own situation. Ginny watched him in astonishment, "You're laughing...But you don't laugh." 

"Not as a habit, no." He managed, "But...But you're so amusing." 

"I don't find it amusing." She snapped, standing to go. Ginny was furious with him yet again. How dare he laugh at her? She had expected one of two things. Either cold acceptance or cold rejection. Instead he laughed? Not even a sinister laugh but an honest-to-goodness chuckle?? It was unacceptable.

"Oh, honestly." He sobered, "Must everything be a conflict with you?" 

Ginny stopped and turned around, one hand resting on her hip, "Well are you going to take me up on it?" 

"Only the two weeks?" 

"Yes." 

"Then...this is a bad decision I can feel it, but yes. I'll take you up on your plan...Ginny." 

"Good." She smiled, "Severus. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon." 

Severus Snape sat at his desk and wondered where his sanity had gone.

  



	9. Quick Author's Note

MY BIG FAT AUTHOR'S NOTE!!

Hello all of you pretty people! Thanks so much for reading my dtory, SECRETLY. This idea has been with me forever and I would have been updating much more often but my chapters were lost, and my friend had them in her filing cabinet, but she was out of the country, so...THANKS JOYCIE! Anyway, I just wanted to put in a few notes. The song in chapter 5 was called Secretly (duh) but Skunk Anasie. It is from the soundtrack of Cruel Intentions, one of my all time favorite movies. 

This fic is a throwback to lots of movies (or will be in coming chapters) so if you read a scene that reminds you of a movie, that's the inspiration. I'm not copying exact scenes though, just drawing ideas from them. Plagerism is a no-no. Also, the chapter about Snape's ex-love, Laura. I just wanted to say: I was going to make this about Lily. I was going to say since Lily had red hair and green eyes and she was obsessed with James, it would prallel Ginny with red hair and green eyes and being obsessed with Harry. But then I though, God how many times have people compared Lily and Ginny? So, instead I just made it about her looks and maybe later something else Ginny and Laura have in common. I took the name Laura off of General Hospital, my favorite soap opera. LOL. Anyway, thanks so very very much for reading and please review because reviews, positive or negative, are what keep me going. If it's good I feel like I should get more chapters out to hear more praise and see what ya'll think. If it's negative, I get pissed and it lights a fire under my ass and I write just to say HEY SCREW YOU! LOL, anyway. I'm finished rambling like a dork.


	10. Day One: Immaturity

Ginny appeared in the dungeons at noon. Severus looked up from his work in surprise, "You're here." 

"I said I would be." She said, "Your personal...something or other." She shrugged, looking around nervously at the classroom "I don't know. But I'm here." 

"Oh." 

There was a long, awkward silence until, finally he gave up on it, "This isn't the most comfortable situation, is it." 

"It's not everyday I kiss my professor." She replied, sitting on the edge of a desk, "And now we have this *thing* worked out. And I don't know where to begin." _Even if it was my idea_, she thought to herself.

"I don't either." 

Ginny sighed, "Fine. I'll start by asking you if you still want to do this. You can back out if you want." 

"No...But I don't even know what we're doing." Severus said seriously. He avoided eye contact with her, instead looking down at the papers on his desk.

"I'm recuperating you." She stated, "And you're helping me with potions." 

"Right." He said, "Wait, recuperating me from what exactly?"

"Whatever it is that's wrong with you." She replied, as if he should have known this already, then smiled. "This is rediculous." She said, "Let's just start with me. You give me something to do, I'll work on it, and then we can deal with you and your infinite broodiness." 

Severus raised a dark eyebrow, "Fine. You can find these ingredients for me." 

He handed her a sheet of paper and she winked, taking it over to the shelves lining the walls, climbing up on a step ladder to reach high bottles and jars. Severus watched her, her legs outlined by a pair of blue jeans, the curve of her back visible through the blue sweater she wore. He took a deep breath and turned back to his papers. 

~*~ 

Twenty minutes later, Ginny was still on the step ladder, when a voice behind her startled her. 

"Are you almost--" 

Severus was cut off by the surprised shreik as Ginny started to lose her balance. He caught her easily, one arm wrapping around her waist. He set her on her feet, a pair of wide green eyes looking up at him.. 

"Don't sneak up on me like that!" She admonished, one hand to her heart. His arm remained around her waist as she looked up at him, his own eyes staring down at her, "What is it?" 

"Nothing." He said, shaking himself slightly as he let go of her. 

"I think it's your turn, now." She informed him, "I found almost all the ingredients." 

"But--" 

"No but's!" Ginny cut him off. "OK, first question." She circled him, one finger trailing along his back, "Do you find me...attractive?" 

Severus looked at her and blinked, and she dissolved into a fit of laughter. "You are such a child." He reprimanded, but she only laughed harder. 

"Oh, but isn't that what you need in your life?" She asked, "A little immaturity?" 

She giggled slightly and he was suddenly overwhelmed by how beautiful she was with her face flushed from laughing, her eyes wide and sparkling. Ginny stopped laughing immediately as she noticed the change in his eyes. She pulled his head down and their lips met in a slow kiss. Ginny felt the tip of his tongue brush her lips gently and she let him in. Severus' arms tightened around her, her small frame fitting perfectly to his. She tasted like sweetness and heat, and her hair was soft in his fingers. When they finally broke apart, they were both gasping for air. 

"Imaturity...is highly under-rated, wouldn't you say?" She whispered, before leaning in for another kiss.  



	11. Day Two: Waste of Time

Author's note: **BOLD** words are Severus thinking. _ITALICS_ are Ginny.

^_^

Later that night, after putting in an appearance at dinner and working on holiday homework, Ginny hurried down to the dungeon, butterflies fluttering away in her chest the entire way down. She was excited about seeing him again and it terrified her. She didn't know what she felt for Severus...it was still hard just to call him by his first name, let alone consider a relationship with him. _Wait. A RELATIONSHIP? What am I **thinking**?_. She had struck up her little idea as a way to figure out what had been happening between them and now it was a way to be near him. At the same time, she wanted to take away the pain that was always so evident in his eyes. _I'm getting to be pathetic... _

As soon as she came off the last step to the dungeons, Ginny felt and surprisingly well muscled arm pull her around the corner and she was suddenly pressed directly against a warm body. 

"Professor..." She breathed in an innocent little school girl voice, "What if someone sees? People will talk!" 

He looked down at her, not smiling at her joke. Ginny sighed, "You never smile, why don't you ever smile?" 

Severus looked away for a moment, "No reason to smile, usually." 

Ginny lifted a hand to his cheek, and he flinched slightly, but let her touch him gently, "Look at me." She whispered, and he reluctantly complied, "Look at me, and pretend you love me, that I'm...I don't know, something you've always wanted or something like that, and *smile*." _Or, don't pretend...really feel it. Oh God I should be shot, I'm so pathetic._

Severus' heart skipped and he thought absently that pretending wouldn't be as hard as she would think **It would be so very very easy**, and he smiled. Ginny smiled back and said, "You have an beautiful smile. Has anyone ever told you you're a total hottie?" 

"No." He laughed, pushing a stray bit of hair out of her eyes **Gorgeous green...** before kissing her softly, "But you can tell me whenever you want." 

"I like this new, laid back version of you. Where have you been hiding this alternate personality?" 

"Somewhere far away." He answered and kissed her again.** In another lifetime. If you only knew.**

Ginny giggled, "I think I'm starting to have an influence on you. Good or bad, who knows. But I like it." 

For a moment, his eyes clouded over. _No, no things were going so *well*_ She looked up at him with uncertainty before her gently pushed her away, turning his back to her as he retreated towards his office. 

"Why do you do that?" She demanded, following him into the sparse office._ Look at me!_

"Do what?" **Don't look at her...**

Ginny groaned at the return of his cool, professor-like demeanor, "Why do you get tense whenever I'm close to you? It's like one minute you're fine, and the next you're back to square one. Did I do something?" 

"No." Severus sighed, "You didn't do anything wrong. I'm just not used to..." 

"What? Human interaction?" _Why did I say that?_

His head snapped up at her tone and his eyes narrowed, "I was going ot say having someone to get close to." 

Ginny looked down sheepishly, "Oh. Sorry...But, what why is that?" 

"Why is what?" **Don't make me tell you.**

"You're starting to annoy me." _I'm starting to really want you._

He rolled his eyes, "I don't *know* why." 

She stamped her foot slightly, "You have to know. I want to know RIGHT NOW, who screwed you up so bad that you stiffen up whenever you touch me. And NOT in a good way." _Oooh, inuendo. I never use inuendo. Go me._

Severus stared at her for a moment, **(Gutsy girl)** smiled, and looked down, "You're a strange girl, Virginia Weasley." 

She didn't smile, "And you are one messed up guy, Severus Snape. And I have every intention of fixing it." 

"Don't try." He said suddenly, "It's a waste of time." **Don't make me love you**

"Not to me." _No, not a waste of time at all_  



	12. Day Three: Happy

Ginny was copying ingredients for a complicated potion out of a text book. She sat at one of the desks in the potions dungeon, head bent, chewing on a fingernail. Severus was trying to pretend to write letters, but was distracted by the long expanse of white skin revealed by the gray skirt she wore over daintily crossed legs. **She does this on purpose** he thought to himself, gripping his quill a little tighter and trying to remember what he had been about to write. 

"Done!" Ginny chirped, closing the text book. Severus sighed in relief and set down his quill.

"Good. We can start the potion tomorrow, then." He said. **Oh God, she's standing up. Does she HAVE to smooth the skirt down like that? It's just not...fair.** Severus clenched his jaw at his adolescent thoughts. 

Ginny raised an eyebrow at him, noticing the way he kept tensing up. "Are you all right?"

"Yes." He said, too quickly.

Ginny wasn't convinced, but she didn't push the subject. "Can I ask you a strange question?"

"All of your questions are usually strange." He replied, leaning back in his chair.

"Very witty of you." She shot back, "My question is, where do you live? I mean...you don't sleep on your desk."

"The rumors are true." Severus said, "I sleep in a coffin."

Ginny laughed, perching herself on the edge of his desk, "Come on. Be serious." _A few days ago, those words would never have been directed at him. I'm making progress!_

"I have living quarters just like all the other professors." He said, "Mine are just off my office."

"Oh. I just wondered." Ginny smiled, uncrossing and recrossing her legs, noticing that his jaw tensed up again with the simple action. An idea srang to mind. Usually, she would be too shy to even attempt it...but this was different, wasn't it? "Tell me, professor." She said, running a finger over the black surface of the desk, "Have you ever fantasized about making out with a student on this desk?"

Severus followed her finger, then looked up at her, "Once or twice."

"Oh? Which student?"

"Just the one." He murmured, leaning out of his chair, a hand on the desk on either side of her, "But why fantasize?"

Ginny smiled before warm lips descended on hers. By now, thoughts of how wrong this whole thing was were far, far away, having faded somewhere around the first day of vacation. Instead, Ginny was lying back on the desk and pulling him with her. He pulled away for a moment, meeting her eyes once before placing a softer kis on her lips. Ginny wondered if it was possible to actually melt into someone, because that was how she felt with that kiss. She wasn't just making out with her professor anymore. She was feeling...something. Her heart was beating faster with every caress of his hands on her ribcage, burning through the fabric of her sweater, and as his tongue brushed hers, millions of nerve endings stood and everything was intensified. Then, almost as if she was being pulled out of the haze she was sinkingin, Severus' fingers brushed over the skin exposed where her shirt had ridden up and she laughed into his lips.

"Are you...you are! Why are you laughing?" Severus demanded, and Ginny tried to stop laughing, gently pushing his hands away.

"I'm ticklish." She said, then saw the last hints of hurt in his eyes. "I'm sorry." 

"Thank God it's just that." He said, giving her a half smile before his fingers crept back to her midriff.

"Severus, no." Ginny protested half heartedly just before he attacked and she dissolved into giggles. "Stop!"

"What's the magic word?" He asked boredly.

"Umm...Stop, and I'll tell you!" She cried between giggles. Severus raised and eyebrow and stopped.

"All right. Out with it." He said, crossing his arms.

Ginny grinned and grabbed him by the collar, pulling him down and kissing him softly. When she pulled away, she smiled, "I forgot the magic word."

"I guess that will have to do." He said with mock-reluctance. 

"I have to go to dinner in a few minutes." Ginny said, trying to hide her dissappointment.

"You missed lunch. You should really put in an appearance."

Ginny nodded, "Can I ask you one more thing?"

"If you insist."

"Have you ever been really happy?" _Please say yes..._

"I was today." He said softly, then dropped a kiss on her forehead. Ginny closed her eyes, the intimacy of the action almost out of character for him _But he has changed...Very quickly, and drasticly. Is this working?_

"Me too." She said, before hopping off the desk and straightening her skirt, "I'll see you tomorrow."

Severus watched her go, then glanced at his desk. "I'll never look at that thing the same. Ever again."  



	13. Day Four: Leaving

Ginny got a letter at breakfast. It was Christmas Eve, so she had expected a letter from her parents, who were in Romania by now with Charlie. But, there was something wrong. The owl didn't belong to anyone in her family. In fact, it looked nothing like any owl Ginny had ever seen before. So when the envelope was dropped onto her empty plate and the owl flew off, Ginny felt a strange sense of forboding. Instead of opening the parchment in the dining hall amidst the twenty-odd students there, she took it out into the hall. What she read made her blood run cold. 

_Dearest Ginny,_

_We are in Romania. Although you are probably expecting a Merry Christmas letter, I'm afraid I have news that will upset you very much. Your brother has been injured very badly. The burns are quite extensive and he is beyond magical help--his wounds must heal naturally. _

_Charlie will be OK, but it would help him, and especially your mother, if you came to join us for the remainder of the break. We'll send Ron to come and get you the day after Christmas. I'm sorry, little one, for your holiday to be strained, but we should all be together now._

_All my love,_

_Dad._

Ginny's eyes filled with tears as she refolded the parchment, her vision blurring as she took off blindly for the dungeons.

*

When she reached the potions room, it was empty. She swallowed a sob, desperately pulling her emotions into check, and knocked on the office door.

"Come in."

She pushed open the door, hurried in and shut it behind her, leaning against the dark wood. Severus looked up, and instantly knew something was wrong, "Ginny?" He stood and rounded the desk, "What is it?" Now that he was closer, he could see the tracks of tears on her face.

"My brother." She managed in an emotion-thick voice, "Charlie. He...he's hurt. I mean, they say he'll be fine but...but..."

As her thin frame was wracked with a hard sob, Severus gently pulled her to him, trying awkwardly to comfort her **Oh hell...this is not my area of expertise...**

"I mean..." Ginny said, muffled by his chest, "I'm upset, you know? But that's only half of it. I'm also upset, because I have to leave day after tomorrow, and go to Romania. And I don't want to leave." She backed away slightly, wiping at her face with her hands, "Does it make me a bad person, wanting to stay?"

"No." Severus replied, "It makes you crazy for wanting to stay with me, but it doesn't make you a bad person."

Ginny smiled, the tears resided for the time being, and reached out with one hand to touch his arm, "Don't say that. Of course I want to stay with you."

"Why?"

She laughed slightly and moved closer, "You...you make me feel wanted. Growing up in a huge family or worse, as the youngest girl of a huge family of boys, you tend to turn out feeling like an outcast. But ever since you kissed me the first day, I felt like I wasn't the Weasley girl, or the little sister." Ginny stood on tip-toe and pecked him on the mouth, "And, underneath all that intimidation and cold bravado, you're not so bad...And you make my knees weak."

Severus rolled his eyes at her, "You are crazy. You need to go to be with your family--I'm not worth all the stress, trust me."

"Do a crazy girl a favor, and stop talking." Ginny said, one hand snaking around to the back of his head, then pulled him down for a kiss. Their lips met softly at first, and Ginny's arms wound aorund his neck as he pulled her closer. Severus' tongue brushed hers and she opened her mouth to him, and the kiss deepened into something more passionate than anything they had ever shared. Ginny's hands moved to Severus' hair and she found herself pressed more closely to him as his kisses turned more breathless, needier. She finally pulled away gasping for breath, and tilted her head back enough to see his face.

"I think...I think it's about time you showed me those living quarters you told me about yesterday." 

Severus looked down at her, with her eyes slightly glazed and her lips kiss-swollen and a flush staining her cheeks, "Ginny, I don't--"

"I swear to God," She whispered, "If you get all righteous and moralized on me now, I'll put you in a full body bind for the rest of your life."

He couldn't help but smile at her. Even her seductress routine was peppered with her threats. "Promise me you're sure."

"I promise." She said, unconsciously licking her lips. It was then that Severus decided that he wasn't going to question it anymore, and led her to the false brick that, when tapped with his wand, created a door.

*

The room wasn't awfully small, or too big. It was circular, with a dresser and a bed and a door that led to a bathroom. The sheets and bedspread were green and black silk, and sconces on the walls were the only lighting. Ginny would have taken more time to look around but she was being kissed again, this time so softly she wondered if Severus' lips were even there. She unfastened his robes and the black material slid away easily, revealing a black button-up shirt and black pants that showed what the robes hid--muscles that weren't bulky but toned--and Ginny smiled, "Go without the robes more often." 

"I'll remember that." Severus remarked, his fingers running through her hair. He leaned down and kissed her again, then his lips moved down to her jaw and neck while her fingers worked blindly at the buttons on the shirt. When they pulled away and the shirt hit the floor, Ginny ran her fingernails lightly down his pale chest, then back up, then over his arms. When her fingers hit his left forearm, her jerked slightly, moving away. But Ginny grabbed him.

"Don't." She whispered, pulling him back to her and picking up his arm by the wrist, extending it to reveal a pink scar on the inner elbow. The Dark Mark. "This doesn't mean anything." She said, trying to calm the fear in his eyes. On an impulse, she lowered her mouth to the scar, "I don't care about this."

"Ginny..." And her name was natural on his lips now, and pulling her up and kissing her was a reflex. And everything--unbuttoning her blouse, caressing smooth milk-white skin, kissing, touching, and finally being inside her--was all so right it felt surreal. And Severus was almost sure she didn't here him whisper those three words as they climaxed as one.


	14. Dangerous Liaisons

_I miss him. I really, really miss him, and it's so strange. I never would have expected to *ever* miss Snape. But, it's been three days since I left for Romania, and all I can think about is those silk sheets and his arms. This is...bad. Bad. I came into this for...something. I thought it was all physical. I thought I was having a *fling*, legal or no. But flings end without this kind of ache. I didn't want to leave him, and now all I want is to go back to him. _

Ginny sighed and closed her eyes, trying for the fiftieth time to sleep. She would return to Hogwarts in two days, but it seemed like a lifetime stretching ahead of her, and she had no idea what was at the end of the road. And, when she returned, all the students would be back, and she wasn't sure if it would be possible to continue to see Severus. She wasn't sure if he would want to continue this little tryst. _Surely that last night meant somethin_g. Ginny shook it off and closed her eyes *again*. 

After she fell asleep, all she dreamed of were silk sheets and dark marks.

~*~

Students. Severus hated them. He never quite realized how much he hated them, until they returned after holiday break. The first class of the day were first year Gryffindors, a lot that reminded him all too much of the group Harry Potter had graduated with. Rule-breakers, heroic types. His seventh year class wasn't until before dinner, and he ached to just catch a glimpse of red hair.

As a cauldron crashed to the floor on the other side of the room, Severus closed his eyes and took in a deep breath before turning around, his eyes cold and glittering, just waiting to scare the daylights out of whichever student had ruined a potion and possibly his floor.

~*~

"So how was your holiday, Ginny?" Colin was asking through a mouthfull of ham and cheese sandwich, "I heard about Charlie, is he ok?"

Ginny picked at her lunch and shrugged, "Holiday was...you know, boring. Charlie's just fine. All healed."

"You mean you didn't get into any mischeif, with practically the entire castle to yourself?"

Ginny nearly choked on her pumpkin juice, "No. No mischeif. Whatsoever."

Colin gave her a strange look but shrugged and turned to talk to a fourth year to his left. Ginny bit the side of her mouth in frustration. Only an hour and a half and she would have Potions. Her stomach was in knots and her hands shook depsite all the calming breaths and peaceful thoughts she attempted. 

~*~

He was thankful for a desk to sit behind and the bookwork he had assigned the sixth year Gryffindors and Slytherins. Severus had taken one look at her and felt dizzy. She had ignored him as she sat down, ignored him as he gave out the assignment, and ignored him as he sat behind the desk so he could pretend to ignore her. But then, perhaps twenty minutes into the class, he looked up to catch her looking back. 

She glanced around first before looking back at him, smiling, and winking. He was almost instantly hard under his robes, hence the current love of his desk. Her effect on him was almost unbearable, and for once he wasn't chastizing himself for reacting.

~*~

"Miss Weasley, I need to see you for a moment." 

Ginny stopped in her tracks on her way out of the classroom, fighting the smile that threatened to grace her lips. "You go on." She said to Colin and Gretchen, "I'll see you at dinner." 

Her friends shrugged, sparing a loathsome glance at Snape for keeping their friend before leaving. Ginny waited until everyone was gone before turning around, "Yes, professor?"

"It's professor now?"

She walked back to his desk, "Is that a problem? Professor?" Ginny surprised herself with her sudden confidence as the knots in her stomach dissappeared.

Severus grinned slowly, "No. No problem."

"Good." She chirped, "Is that all? Because if so, I'm *really* hungry--" She cut off with a giggle as he grabbed her hand and pulled her around the desk. She let him tug her down into his lap and she gasped at the hardness against her thigh. 

Severus looked up into her slightly surprised face and brushed strands of auburn hair out of her eyes, "You're back."

"I am. Miss me?" She instinctively moved against him, eliciting a low groan as he let his forehead to fall forward and rest against her collarbone.

"You wouldn't believe."

Ginny was once again surprised, "Really?"

"Yes." He murmured, placing soft kisses over her neck, then her jawbone before finally deciding on her lips. Ginny sank into the warm kiss and sighed, her fingers curling into his robes.

"This is very dangerous." She said breathlessly when they parted, "We could be caught at any moment."

"True." Severus nodded, then took her mouth again in another kiss, this time harder, their tongues tangling and caressing and his hands slipped inside her robes.

The danger only increased Ginny's want, rather than making her nervous. She almost *wanted* someone to walk in, and adrenaline was pumping through her veins like liquid fire. Her fingers finally found their way to the button of his pants when loud footsteps sounded on the stairs to the dungeons. Ginny was off his lap and fixing her hair and robes before he even realized what was happening. As Dumbledore ducked slightly to fit his tall frame through the doorway, she smiled.

"Good evening, Professor." She said, then turned back to Severus, "I should go to dinner. I'm..uh...grateful for the potions...advice. Yes. Good evening."

Ginny smiled at Dumbledore again, and he smiled back as she hurried out of the room. As she headed towards the Great Hall, she thought that maybe she had seen a knowingness in the Headmaster's eye.


End file.
